This month’s Legend on my sister page goes to the well deserving Aaron Tanner who I am sure was begrudgingly coaxed into it by Doc. Aaron is many things, vein and pompous are not one of those, save the topic of his long flowing hair which he seems to have the magical ability to grow on command. One day he is clean shaven, 2 days later he has a beard down to his navel. Odd, but TRUE. For a while I had lofty ambitions of getting something together for Aaron and posting it here but alas I am a lazy sot, as one can easily surmise both from the content of my postings as well as the inexplicable consistency in which they are updated (heads up Sloan, #9 coming your way). Thanks to Doc for getting this rolling.
The write up was drafted by Doc based on feedback from Aaron. Now Michael Bryant is a great many things; son, brother, doctor, businessman, mentor, and as honest and true friend as any of us could hope to be. He has saved countless lives, both literally and figuratively. He is inspiring and a mentor to many including his peers and colleagues which truly speaks volumes given the quality of company he keeps (outside of the rugby community of course). He is a true gentleman, a sharp dresser, a malicious groomer (gets his hair “cut” every week) and he once spent 7.8 million dollars to completely tear down his house only to re-build it exactly as it was only much cleaner- TRUE story. However with as many attributes this man has both been gifted with and has strived to achieve over his diverse life, comic wit and an appreciation of satire can not be counted amongst them. In fact there are some reading this now who are probably chuckling, and I hope most are… but I assure you Michael is staring blankly at his screen wondering why I am being so callous. Alas Mr. Frog, it is in my nature. My point is that in reading Michael’s tribute to Aaron, I was struck by a few things. First and foremost, what is it with Tanner and fellatio? Second, although inspiring, the write up read like… well like it was written by a doctor. Now in full disclosure Michael sought feedback from many of the staff here at The 2nd Row, but I declined the offer to edit his bibliographical tribute so that I may again demonstrate ill judgment and in turn draft my unabridged re-imagining of the same. Enjoy.
This month’s Legend is Aaron Tanner. Thought he probably preferred to be interviewed by those not prone to slander, inappropriate innuendo, grammatical errors and loose interpretation of fact, history will not judge him harshly. We here at The 2nd Row all agree, what better way to start off the regular season than by saluting one of our own elder statesmen. Tanner has been with the club, according to my calendar, since roughly 1938 shortly after I invented the Internet in my post doctoral work at MIT. In a move could considered statutory rape in California, Aaron married his high school sweetheart Lisa. Avoiding the whole awkwardness of court proceedings, they actually got married just out of college… which is still a little creepy unless you are from the Mid-west. Lisa is also 6’19” and is more fit than 98% of the fattys that are reading this right now. One time after finishing a race together and after realizing the dearth of his own athletic ability compared to Lisa Tanner, our own Greg Smith rolled up into a ball and wept. Then in a fit of rage he beat the hell out of a homeless guy and shaved his eye brows. Weird. Aaron and Lisa have a daughter Aubrey who will probably be raised with the keen street smarts needed to avoid dates with any children of the Club… except maybe Quinn Frazier who already outweighs his father by 78 lbs.
Aaron is 36 which is older than me but WAY younger than Doc Bryant who is actually 67. The black men age well which is why Doc Smookler looks like he's 12. Aaron's godfather is Joe Wilson. Aaron is the youngest of 4 children which explains his diva like persona, and may also have something to do with the fact that his parents are older than mine. Aaron went to William Hart High School which is the sworn and avowed enemy of our very own Arroyo Academy Rugby (coached by John-John). Harte is the Kern County of high school rugby and you hate Kern which means you should also hate Aaron in some small way. Aaron grew up in Valencia or Saugus or Victorville or somewhere up there in the valley of dirt. That was in the 80’s and they had just gotten hot water up there in those parts which explains why Aaron loves to take long hot showers on blistery days. He admits to being awkward as a youth and says it took a while for him to “grow into his body”. Aaron has been this same height since the 7th grade but he use to weigh 160 lbs. I felt awkward even looking at pictures of him back then which explains why he congregated to a sports known for attracting freaks- volleyball… and *GASP* golf. I don’t know, I dated a volleyball player once and she had a nice rack but she could kick the not out of most guys which is when I developed the life tenet to never date a girl with arms bigger than mine which was challenging because I don’t have big arms. This really has nothing to do with Aaron but that girl really did have a nice rack. Anyway, Aaron was mentored by Coach Ken Stanley while at Pierce Junior College who, amongst making him wear those shorts, taught Aaron the importance of performing to the highest degree of excellence. Coach Stanley helped instill in Aaron the many virtues needed to be a good person… none of which you will find here reading any of this. Get back to work.
Aaron then went on to attend Cal State Northridge where he received a B.A. in Communicative Disorders. It seems like I could put something funny in here but there’s nothing funny about stuttering and stammering children, in fact they creep the shit out of me. I once played rugby with a guy in college who stuttered. His name was P..P..P..Perry form P..P..P..Peru. Honestly, in the game he’s call for the “B…B…B..Ball and it was annoying as all hell. I have no tolerance for the gimp tong. So we taught him how to get good and drunk and he turned into William Shakespeare, fucking changed his life. Cured. See, I figured that shit out and I don’t even have a degree in Communicative Disorders. Done, the Doctor will see you now.
When Michael asked him about his most embarrassing moment, Tanner recounted a story about lip-syncing “Macho Man” with his best friend Terry MacLean, playing the role of the soldier. To me the most unnerving part of the story is trying to picture Terry dressed as a solder and frankly that scares the shit out of me. One year we had a toga party and people, as you would expect, came dressed in togas. Terry came in a bath towel wrapped around his waste. One time someone had committed the Greatest Sin In Rugby by bringing a woman on the bus to SLO. Everyone knew it was a bad idea and about ½ way back form SLO the bus when we were well and wasted, I figured I would work my charm and magical wit to get the “woman” to undress. Before she could finish the sentence “you first”, Terry was standing in the isle right behind her buck ass naked. It was awesome and akward but not as awkward as when we did get her top off… at which point everyone tried very hard to get her to put it back on. Another time on a bus trip from SLO Tanner sung the whole way... 3 hours. He stopped singing actual rugby songs about 20 minutes down and pretty soon he sang whatever came across his mind- a tree, a guy puking, a blue car, whatever. He was hoarse by the time we hit Pasadena. It was a horrible trip. At any rate Tanners other embarrassing moment had something to do with fellatio but that is probably enough cock and balls for one blog posting... maybe.
As I stated, Aaron Tanner started playing rugby way back in 1872 shortly after I had invented fire. Apparently Terry was keen to play and played with Cal Tech but after playing with the world’s fattest fly-half, he decided, without knowing what a fat fly-half was, that he shouldn't play with Cal Tech. He also met the world’s slowest NCAA basket ball player but that is a story for a different blog. So my wife tells me her boss wants to play rugby. Instantly I know this to be a bad idea… I mean… well if I have to explain myself here then stick around the club, any club for that matter, and you’ll appreciate the concern. But what am I going to do, we always needed new players and I know those volleyball players can set a mean spike? Whatever. It took Aaron a while to find us as was the test we forced all rookies to go through. Only the truly tenacious and pure of heart who would come to at least 2 rumored practicees only to find darkness and 2 rumored matches only to find soccer, would be allowed to enter the hallowed halls of rugby purity and virtue known as Pasadena RFC. You have to WANT IT… that and we mostly got kicked off fields and had to pirate our way around thanks to the lack luster efforts of the infamous do-nothing Jim Ciampa. After Aaron’s first practice we headed over to The John Bull which was our home pub at the time. We began tossing down pints and started to singing (and there was probably a fair amount of nudity and bravado and possibly break dancing as was customarily in the day). One of the Bull frequenters was this clearly underage frail little re-head who was enjoying a private evening with friends. We were all singing and this little 20-year-old in a training bra silently made her way up to the bar for another wine cooler and BAM, Aaron corners her like a lion pouncing on a wounded baby gazel and belts his own verse of “London Bridge” which I am pretty sure had something to do with nipple twisting. It was awkward and there was silence. Aaron was looking at our stunned faces in the aftermath and was thinking “Man, I screwed this up and I was just having fun”. Of course we were thinking “Holy crap, this guy is fucking sweet”. Apparently Aaron’s first game was when the club played Kern County. This was not a pretty match because those guys are dirt bags and kicked the crap out of us on a field that was strewn wuith rocks, broken bottels and used dope needles (Victory Park circa 1999) but he came back. Then our coach took a giant crap in his house and they had to move out for 2 days. But again he came back. We had our own brand of Kool-Aid back then but it tasted more like free beer at the John Bull.
Judging by his size, Aaron could only play 1 position, in much the same manner most of our forwards will never be issued visas to leave Propsville USA... and some need to consider leaving Flanker Town to return home to the prop farm. Aaron played 8-man on and off for a season. He will tell you it’s because we were short on numbers and he was the man fittest for the job. In truth Big Dumb Patrick was also playing for us and, well he was MUCH better at 2nd row plus Patrick had this killer mustache he liked to die black (note he was a red head) . If you ever wonder what happened to our goal post pads, Big Dumb Patrick wrestled it out from under a truck load of Mexicans in the fast lane of the 210 and then proceeded to grease it down with Murphy’s Oil while riding it bare back. I really don’t’ know what that has to do with anything but if you’ve made it this far then consider it a gift.
Amongst Aaron’s most memorable moments was the Clubs victory over Kern County in 2005. Not only had Kern County had dominated Division III rugby for the previous 2 seasons and had not lost a game in over two years in the SCRFU, Pasadena RFC had not beaten Kern in the decade prior. It was a hard fought match and the victory sealed by an up and under recovered for a 60 meter dash by High Pitch Rich (Action shots of HPR are found below). Also sweetening the victory was that this was Aaron’s last year as President. Looking back I think this was the point where the tide started to rise. This was due in part to the right people coming into the club at the right time but also because largely in part to a number of guys who dug in to re-build through the difficult years and were lead by the tall guy with the hot wife who made Greg Smith rape a homless man.
Aaron has served as a leader on and off the pitch for Pasadena RFC. Aaron was elected President twice although he fulfilled the all duties of the president for 3 seasons. What? Yah that’s right. The year of “leadership” under Allen Rooney really consisted of Aaron as VP doing everything the President does and telling Allen about it later. It’s a long story but it all worked out in the end . When asked about the challenges he faced as President, Aaron recounts that Pasadena had become a very social club early in his tenure. The fact is that we have always been very social and to a large degree that is what sets this club apart; it’s just that we stopped doing a lot of the winning part that should come with being on any team and that for some this didn't seem to bother them. In his last year as President, in one great act Aaron started a catalyst of events that would be both celebrated and scorned. With the assistance of Dean, Aaron secured the clubs largest cash sponsor to date, Hooters. There were a few caveats however. 1. The Club had to patronize Hooters. Sounds great except that beers still cost $30 and… well the local patrons of Hooters aren’t… well they just suck. Fucking meat heads. 2. The Club had sold the sponsorship as a jersey sponsorship and thus the Club’s new jerseys were not only the wrong color (Black) but also in blazing orange colors was the tag of a sexist meat head. Yah, check us out, we go to Hooters. Hey ladies call us, we party. It was a great idea and tremendous effort gone horribly awry. Except for the jersey color and "lame guy" tag, no one could fault him because like so many that have built this club, something needed to get done and Tanner dug in to get it done. Ultimately Aaron wanted a team with “grass roots” efforts by the members to build a better club. He wanted a club that was financially solvent and moving forward with a clear direction and purpose rather than the status quo of another season kicking around drinking beer and playing rugby. Well Aaron got what he asked for…. just as soon as he stopped being President.
With the benefit if not having the day to day operations and administrative headache to deal with, Aaron was able to take some time and put 2 programs together that have ultimately help contribute significantly to the successes the Club now enjoys. The first was to put together a fundraising panel (eventually chaired by Doc Bryant) which put us on our road to financial solvency but also paved the way for the second program which was to seek out and hire a paid coach. Although it hit some bumps in road in the end both programs were supported by other members and Tanner was the catalyst to a process that now has produced a network of administrators and support structure only dreamed of by past members and other clubs in higher levels of competition. Where when he joined this Club, we were run and administered by 1-2 guys, through his involvement and leadership the club now has a network of at least 10+ administrators and many more willing to jump in and help. Dude… we are even coming out with a Mission Statement. What the fuck. God I hope the Bucks will have me next season.
When asked about future challenges facing the club, Aaron drew a metaphor of a new freshman on campus. I hope that means awkward blow jobs behind the bleachers by 14 year old's… wait… what? Aaron goes on to address the challenges of fielding a successful D2 team in that it is more than paying your dues and showing up and something something hard work something something more players need to step forward something something… something. But there is no further mention of fellatio… which I’m OK with because this was going in a weird direction.
In reviewing his favorite rugby players Aaron lists Chris Angelica and Mike Aston as the mentors for his position. When asked about this, Mike Aston said he had neither the words of gratitude nor the vocabulary that would adequately describe his reverence and respect for being placed as mentor next to one of this teams true rugby greats and he was grateful to Aaron for realizing the true inspirational and hard nose play demonstrated by Angelica both on and off the field. When asked for his comment Angelica merely restated his hatred for math and chicks with small tits. Aaron also goes on to list a number of players that make up the Pantheon of Pasadena Greats including Alastair Blevins, Tim Riesen, Allen Rooney, Mark Frazier Keegan Hornbeck , Tyler Shriek and Jake Pike. With the exception of Tyler and Jake, he points out that all of these men work hard on the field which makes you want to ensure that you work just as hard to be there in support of them and not disappoint. He also wonders “What the fuck is up with Joaquin’s eye-brow? That thing really creeps the shit out of me.” Finally when asked what advice he would offer to those new to the game, Aaron says simply: “Buy Angelica and Rooney beer and they will go away and leave you alone… until they are thirsty again. But it’s worth it to keep them at bay.”
Here are some things you may not know about Aaron. Aaron is mostly a chick in almost every way but is dressed up to look like a guy. He loves to go shopping and is addicted to McDonalds which he eats 19 times a week. He also enjoys “wood working” as a hobby. He once fell in love with a stripper named “The Tyler”. One of these is not true… maybe.
As a parting thought Aaron added that he and many other members of the Pasadena veterans all do things in their own “unique” ways to support the club, and would enjoy an occasional unsolicited “thank you.” So the next time some crusty old guy cuts you down and berates you for being slow, stupid and as attractive as Sloan on a 7 day binder with mad case of herpes, a simple “Thanks man” would really be nice. Aaron remembers when things were difficult for the Club; we were happy when we could run on a 20m x 20m patch of “grass” with ambient light from the street to use as our stadium lights, the bank account was flush when we had $17.83 mid way through the season, typical practice was 7 – 10 players and no one was buying Rooney and Angelica beer. Nevertheless, there were a faithful few who saw the team through those lean times. We frequently closed the pub on Thursday and carried our own cardboard in case the need to break dance arose. Win or loose, and at times it was mostly loosing, a number of us dug in and like a dysfunctional family we supported each other regardless of the difficulties. We knew that in time we would build the club into what we knew it needed and could be. Aaron is hopeful that those new to the team appreciate the journey to date and are equally willing to weather adversity, should it come, to build upon the team’s history. Then he goes on the talk about more fellatio but at this time I stopped reading. Boobies.
The write up was drafted by Doc based on feedback from Aaron. Now Michael Bryant is a great many things; son, brother, doctor, businessman, mentor, and as honest and true friend as any of us could hope to be. He has saved countless lives, both literally and figuratively. He is inspiring and a mentor to many including his peers and colleagues which truly speaks volumes given the quality of company he keeps (outside of the rugby community of course). He is a true gentleman, a sharp dresser, a malicious groomer (gets his hair “cut” every week) and he once spent 7.8 million dollars to completely tear down his house only to re-build it exactly as it was only much cleaner- TRUE story. However with as many attributes this man has both been gifted with and has strived to achieve over his diverse life, comic wit and an appreciation of satire can not be counted amongst them. In fact there are some reading this now who are probably chuckling, and I hope most are… but I assure you Michael is staring blankly at his screen wondering why I am being so callous. Alas Mr. Frog, it is in my nature. My point is that in reading Michael’s tribute to Aaron, I was struck by a few things. First and foremost, what is it with Tanner and fellatio? Second, although inspiring, the write up read like… well like it was written by a doctor. Now in full disclosure Michael sought feedback from many of the staff here at The 2nd Row, but I declined the offer to edit his bibliographical tribute so that I may again demonstrate ill judgment and in turn draft my unabridged re-imagining of the same. Enjoy.
This month’s Legend is Aaron Tanner. Thought he probably preferred to be interviewed by those not prone to slander, inappropriate innuendo, grammatical errors and loose interpretation of fact, history will not judge him harshly. We here at The 2nd Row all agree, what better way to start off the regular season than by saluting one of our own elder statesmen. Tanner has been with the club, according to my calendar, since roughly 1938 shortly after I invented the Internet in my post doctoral work at MIT. In a move could considered statutory rape in California, Aaron married his high school sweetheart Lisa. Avoiding the whole awkwardness of court proceedings, they actually got married just out of college… which is still a little creepy unless you are from the Mid-west. Lisa is also 6’19” and is more fit than 98% of the fattys that are reading this right now. One time after finishing a race together and after realizing the dearth of his own athletic ability compared to Lisa Tanner, our own Greg Smith rolled up into a ball and wept. Then in a fit of rage he beat the hell out of a homeless guy and shaved his eye brows. Weird. Aaron and Lisa have a daughter Aubrey who will probably be raised with the keen street smarts needed to avoid dates with any children of the Club… except maybe Quinn Frazier who already outweighs his father by 78 lbs.
Aaron is 36 which is older than me but WAY younger than Doc Bryant who is actually 67. The black men age well which is why Doc Smookler looks like he's 12. Aaron's godfather is Joe Wilson. Aaron is the youngest of 4 children which explains his diva like persona, and may also have something to do with the fact that his parents are older than mine. Aaron went to William Hart High School which is the sworn and avowed enemy of our very own Arroyo Academy Rugby (coached by John-John). Harte is the Kern County of high school rugby and you hate Kern which means you should also hate Aaron in some small way. Aaron grew up in Valencia or Saugus or Victorville or somewhere up there in the valley of dirt. That was in the 80’s and they had just gotten hot water up there in those parts which explains why Aaron loves to take long hot showers on blistery days. He admits to being awkward as a youth and says it took a while for him to “grow into his body”. Aaron has been this same height since the 7th grade but he use to weigh 160 lbs. I felt awkward even looking at pictures of him back then which explains why he congregated to a sports known for attracting freaks- volleyball… and *GASP* golf. I don’t know, I dated a volleyball player once and she had a nice rack but she could kick the not out of most guys which is when I developed the life tenet to never date a girl with arms bigger than mine which was challenging because I don’t have big arms. This really has nothing to do with Aaron but that girl really did have a nice rack. Anyway, Aaron was mentored by Coach Ken Stanley while at Pierce Junior College who, amongst making him wear those shorts, taught Aaron the importance of performing to the highest degree of excellence. Coach Stanley helped instill in Aaron the many virtues needed to be a good person… none of which you will find here reading any of this. Get back to work.
Aaron then went on to attend Cal State Northridge where he received a B.A. in Communicative Disorders. It seems like I could put something funny in here but there’s nothing funny about stuttering and stammering children, in fact they creep the shit out of me. I once played rugby with a guy in college who stuttered. His name was P..P..P..Perry form P..P..P..Peru. Honestly, in the game he’s call for the “B…B…B..Ball and it was annoying as all hell. I have no tolerance for the gimp tong. So we taught him how to get good and drunk and he turned into William Shakespeare, fucking changed his life. Cured. See, I figured that shit out and I don’t even have a degree in Communicative Disorders. Done, the Doctor will see you now.
When Michael asked him about his most embarrassing moment, Tanner recounted a story about lip-syncing “Macho Man” with his best friend Terry MacLean, playing the role of the soldier. To me the most unnerving part of the story is trying to picture Terry dressed as a solder and frankly that scares the shit out of me. One year we had a toga party and people, as you would expect, came dressed in togas. Terry came in a bath towel wrapped around his waste. One time someone had committed the Greatest Sin In Rugby by bringing a woman on the bus to SLO. Everyone knew it was a bad idea and about ½ way back form SLO the bus when we were well and wasted, I figured I would work my charm and magical wit to get the “woman” to undress. Before she could finish the sentence “you first”, Terry was standing in the isle right behind her buck ass naked. It was awesome and akward but not as awkward as when we did get her top off… at which point everyone tried very hard to get her to put it back on. Another time on a bus trip from SLO Tanner sung the whole way... 3 hours. He stopped singing actual rugby songs about 20 minutes down and pretty soon he sang whatever came across his mind- a tree, a guy puking, a blue car, whatever. He was hoarse by the time we hit Pasadena. It was a horrible trip. At any rate Tanners other embarrassing moment had something to do with fellatio but that is probably enough cock and balls for one blog posting... maybe.
As I stated, Aaron Tanner started playing rugby way back in 1872 shortly after I had invented fire. Apparently Terry was keen to play and played with Cal Tech but after playing with the world’s fattest fly-half, he decided, without knowing what a fat fly-half was, that he shouldn't play with Cal Tech. He also met the world’s slowest NCAA basket ball player but that is a story for a different blog. So my wife tells me her boss wants to play rugby. Instantly I know this to be a bad idea… I mean… well if I have to explain myself here then stick around the club, any club for that matter, and you’ll appreciate the concern. But what am I going to do, we always needed new players and I know those volleyball players can set a mean spike? Whatever. It took Aaron a while to find us as was the test we forced all rookies to go through. Only the truly tenacious and pure of heart who would come to at least 2 rumored practicees only to find darkness and 2 rumored matches only to find soccer, would be allowed to enter the hallowed halls of rugby purity and virtue known as Pasadena RFC. You have to WANT IT… that and we mostly got kicked off fields and had to pirate our way around thanks to the lack luster efforts of the infamous do-nothing Jim Ciampa. After Aaron’s first practice we headed over to The John Bull which was our home pub at the time. We began tossing down pints and started to singing (and there was probably a fair amount of nudity and bravado and possibly break dancing as was customarily in the day). One of the Bull frequenters was this clearly underage frail little re-head who was enjoying a private evening with friends. We were all singing and this little 20-year-old in a training bra silently made her way up to the bar for another wine cooler and BAM, Aaron corners her like a lion pouncing on a wounded baby gazel and belts his own verse of “London Bridge” which I am pretty sure had something to do with nipple twisting. It was awkward and there was silence. Aaron was looking at our stunned faces in the aftermath and was thinking “Man, I screwed this up and I was just having fun”. Of course we were thinking “Holy crap, this guy is fucking sweet”. Apparently Aaron’s first game was when the club played Kern County. This was not a pretty match because those guys are dirt bags and kicked the crap out of us on a field that was strewn wuith rocks, broken bottels and used dope needles (Victory Park circa 1999) but he came back. Then our coach took a giant crap in his house and they had to move out for 2 days. But again he came back. We had our own brand of Kool-Aid back then but it tasted more like free beer at the John Bull.
Judging by his size, Aaron could only play 1 position, in much the same manner most of our forwards will never be issued visas to leave Propsville USA... and some need to consider leaving Flanker Town to return home to the prop farm. Aaron played 8-man on and off for a season. He will tell you it’s because we were short on numbers and he was the man fittest for the job. In truth Big Dumb Patrick was also playing for us and, well he was MUCH better at 2nd row plus Patrick had this killer mustache he liked to die black (note he was a red head) . If you ever wonder what happened to our goal post pads, Big Dumb Patrick wrestled it out from under a truck load of Mexicans in the fast lane of the 210 and then proceeded to grease it down with Murphy’s Oil while riding it bare back. I really don’t’ know what that has to do with anything but if you’ve made it this far then consider it a gift.
Amongst Aaron’s most memorable moments was the Clubs victory over Kern County in 2005. Not only had Kern County had dominated Division III rugby for the previous 2 seasons and had not lost a game in over two years in the SCRFU, Pasadena RFC had not beaten Kern in the decade prior. It was a hard fought match and the victory sealed by an up and under recovered for a 60 meter dash by High Pitch Rich (Action shots of HPR are found below). Also sweetening the victory was that this was Aaron’s last year as President. Looking back I think this was the point where the tide started to rise. This was due in part to the right people coming into the club at the right time but also because largely in part to a number of guys who dug in to re-build through the difficult years and were lead by the tall guy with the hot wife who made Greg Smith rape a homless man.
Aaron has served as a leader on and off the pitch for Pasadena RFC. Aaron was elected President twice although he fulfilled the all duties of the president for 3 seasons. What? Yah that’s right. The year of “leadership” under Allen Rooney really consisted of Aaron as VP doing everything the President does and telling Allen about it later. It’s a long story but it all worked out in the end . When asked about the challenges he faced as President, Aaron recounts that Pasadena had become a very social club early in his tenure. The fact is that we have always been very social and to a large degree that is what sets this club apart; it’s just that we stopped doing a lot of the winning part that should come with being on any team and that for some this didn't seem to bother them. In his last year as President, in one great act Aaron started a catalyst of events that would be both celebrated and scorned. With the assistance of Dean, Aaron secured the clubs largest cash sponsor to date, Hooters. There were a few caveats however. 1. The Club had to patronize Hooters. Sounds great except that beers still cost $30 and… well the local patrons of Hooters aren’t… well they just suck. Fucking meat heads. 2. The Club had sold the sponsorship as a jersey sponsorship and thus the Club’s new jerseys were not only the wrong color (Black) but also in blazing orange colors was the tag of a sexist meat head. Yah, check us out, we go to Hooters. Hey ladies call us, we party. It was a great idea and tremendous effort gone horribly awry. Except for the jersey color and "lame guy" tag, no one could fault him because like so many that have built this club, something needed to get done and Tanner dug in to get it done. Ultimately Aaron wanted a team with “grass roots” efforts by the members to build a better club. He wanted a club that was financially solvent and moving forward with a clear direction and purpose rather than the status quo of another season kicking around drinking beer and playing rugby. Well Aaron got what he asked for…. just as soon as he stopped being President.
With the benefit if not having the day to day operations and administrative headache to deal with, Aaron was able to take some time and put 2 programs together that have ultimately help contribute significantly to the successes the Club now enjoys. The first was to put together a fundraising panel (eventually chaired by Doc Bryant) which put us on our road to financial solvency but also paved the way for the second program which was to seek out and hire a paid coach. Although it hit some bumps in road in the end both programs were supported by other members and Tanner was the catalyst to a process that now has produced a network of administrators and support structure only dreamed of by past members and other clubs in higher levels of competition. Where when he joined this Club, we were run and administered by 1-2 guys, through his involvement and leadership the club now has a network of at least 10+ administrators and many more willing to jump in and help. Dude… we are even coming out with a Mission Statement. What the fuck. God I hope the Bucks will have me next season.
When asked about future challenges facing the club, Aaron drew a metaphor of a new freshman on campus. I hope that means awkward blow jobs behind the bleachers by 14 year old's… wait… what? Aaron goes on to address the challenges of fielding a successful D2 team in that it is more than paying your dues and showing up and something something hard work something something more players need to step forward something something… something. But there is no further mention of fellatio… which I’m OK with because this was going in a weird direction.
In reviewing his favorite rugby players Aaron lists Chris Angelica and Mike Aston as the mentors for his position. When asked about this, Mike Aston said he had neither the words of gratitude nor the vocabulary that would adequately describe his reverence and respect for being placed as mentor next to one of this teams true rugby greats and he was grateful to Aaron for realizing the true inspirational and hard nose play demonstrated by Angelica both on and off the field. When asked for his comment Angelica merely restated his hatred for math and chicks with small tits. Aaron also goes on to list a number of players that make up the Pantheon of Pasadena Greats including Alastair Blevins, Tim Riesen, Allen Rooney, Mark Frazier Keegan Hornbeck , Tyler Shriek and Jake Pike. With the exception of Tyler and Jake, he points out that all of these men work hard on the field which makes you want to ensure that you work just as hard to be there in support of them and not disappoint. He also wonders “What the fuck is up with Joaquin’s eye-brow? That thing really creeps the shit out of me.” Finally when asked what advice he would offer to those new to the game, Aaron says simply: “Buy Angelica and Rooney beer and they will go away and leave you alone… until they are thirsty again. But it’s worth it to keep them at bay.”
Here are some things you may not know about Aaron. Aaron is mostly a chick in almost every way but is dressed up to look like a guy. He loves to go shopping and is addicted to McDonalds which he eats 19 times a week. He also enjoys “wood working” as a hobby. He once fell in love with a stripper named “The Tyler”. One of these is not true… maybe.
As a parting thought Aaron added that he and many other members of the Pasadena veterans all do things in their own “unique” ways to support the club, and would enjoy an occasional unsolicited “thank you.” So the next time some crusty old guy cuts you down and berates you for being slow, stupid and as attractive as Sloan on a 7 day binder with mad case of herpes, a simple “Thanks man” would really be nice. Aaron remembers when things were difficult for the Club; we were happy when we could run on a 20m x 20m patch of “grass” with ambient light from the street to use as our stadium lights, the bank account was flush when we had $17.83 mid way through the season, typical practice was 7 – 10 players and no one was buying Rooney and Angelica beer. Nevertheless, there were a faithful few who saw the team through those lean times. We frequently closed the pub on Thursday and carried our own cardboard in case the need to break dance arose. Win or loose, and at times it was mostly loosing, a number of us dug in and like a dysfunctional family we supported each other regardless of the difficulties. We knew that in time we would build the club into what we knew it needed and could be. Aaron is hopeful that those new to the team appreciate the journey to date and are equally willing to weather adversity, should it come, to build upon the team’s history. Then he goes on the talk about more fellatio but at this time I stopped reading. Boobies.
The End
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